May 2013
1 post
4 tags
The hip, the cool, the horse.
The smoky bar was awash in a thick haze of unfiltered cigarettes. The thin artists disappeared into themselves, silent and swaying with thick glasses of wine and liquor always at their fingertips. The top door swung open and hardly anyone even turned at all, so consumed with tres cool ennui and black turtlenecks were they. Down the old brick steps to the smoky speakeasy clip-clopped a large bay...
August 2012
1 post
I'm coming out...to the team.
“Beggar My Neighbor Bingo Birds, Beasts and Fishes Bird Catcher 26, Birds Fly…!” The team chimed in for the last few words, thumped their hands downwards with force, and huzzahed with gusto. The team captain, a broad, shining beast of a stallion wearing shoulder pads and a large red jersey, continued after leading us on our team cheer. “UNLEASH YOUR INNER MONEY ANIMAL RIGHT...
March 2012
1 post
Obedience class
“Who s Training Who?” asked the horse standing next to me, waiting for obedience class to start. Sure my dog was a tiny bit out of control, but that was a very rude thing to say. I also wondered how a horse got a dog in the first place.
He stomped a hoof on the ground twice, and his corgi did a backflip. “Animal magic” he said with a wink, looking at me. Was he…...
February 2012
1 post
The Pyramid's Curse
We had spent years preparing for this day. Finally, my dream was becoming a reality. The crowd cheered as myself and my team entered the last unexplored pyramid in Egypt. As we lowered ourselves into the dark corridor, one of my associates turned on his flashlight. Immediately we saw a yellowed, dusty piece of paper on the ground. Were we not the first ones here? I walked over and blew the dust...
January 2012
3 posts
Doctors Visit
Horse_ebooks glanced down at the cover of the months old copy of Women’s Day on the side table next to him. “What to do in an emergency. (Page 117) What to do if your ferret starts to sneeze. (Page 119)” he read aloud, as an old woman struggled to get past him up to the front desk. “Mr. Ebooks?” a nurse called from the doorway “The doctor will see you...
The Curse
It was a normal day at Walmart in Normaltown, USA. I had gotten a great evening of rest and I was ready to restock the infant section. I had just finished tagging all the new Infamil when I felt hot breath on the back of my neck. Turning, I was face to face with a large, Chestnut horse. He looked curiously at me and cocked his huge head to one side. “Hi, how can I…help you?” I asked....
Horse_ebooks: This is a romantic story. If you do...
The woods stretched on up the hill and all around them like a deep, rolling ocean. The night brought a cool air that hung heavy and dense and tasted green. It was a welcome respite from the earlier heat of the hike. Rebecca rested for a moment next to Thomas and their eyes met. Electricity sparked inside Thomas. Was this the night? The night he’d finally tell her how he felt? A windfall of...
December 2011
0 posts
Halloween
I missed being back home. New York City was so strange and foreign to me. This was my first Halloween since I had moved. I hadn’t had much luck making friends yet so I was surprised I found a party to go to. Everyone seemed to know each other here though. For a city of so many people, I felt completely alone. I walked over to the punch bowl and raised my mask as I took a drink. A large brown...
November 2011
5 posts
Fired
“Crap.” I thought to myself, looking at the blank page in Microsoft Word. The annual report was due in 5 minutes and I hadn’t even started it yet. I glanced over at the picture of my wife and kids on my desk and started to wonder how I was going to pay for my son’s operation. The clock on my computer struck 12 and I heard the door to my bosses office swing open. My heart...
An Amish Invitation
“Well, Mr. Horse_ebooks, would you like to say Grace?” Asked Mrs. Yoder, placing the last of the dinner plates down on the simple, homemade table. She gazed at her 7 children and husband, his long Amish beard hanging almost into his dinner plate. With a curt nod, he caught her gaze and adjusted it. Her youngest son had brought over a friend who had recently moved into their tight-knit...
Hollywood
“And what will you be performing for us today?” “Song of the Clown” “Alright, go ahead.” “DO RE MI FA FA FA FA FA MI MI MI MI RE RE MI RE SOL MI MI MI MI MI MI MI SOL DO RE MI FA FA FA FA FA MI MI MI SOL SOL FA RE DO GO TELL” “Um… we’ll call you. Thanks.” It was horse_ebooks’ 5th audition that week. Being an aspiring actor was...
Thanksgiving
“Mom, Dad, meet my boyfriend.”
The snow was falling lightly on the ground in the front yard. A light chill was felt in the air. It was Tess’s first Thanksgiving back home since she moved away to college 4 years ago. She was happy to see them again, but worried about how they’d react to her boyfriend.
Horse_ebooks held a hoof out to Jennifer’s father, who was...
October 2011
1 post
Reunion
“It’s going so well, I can’t believe it! No one has pantsed me. No more ‘Jheri-curl George.’” George turned to Marley and raised his champagne.
“I guess people really do mellow out as they get older. Aren’t you glad you came? Stickin’ it to the bullies who treated you like shit before?” Marley smiled and placed her hand on George’s...
September 2011
13 posts
Lonely Jamie - rated R'ish
Jamie Foxx sat at the bar, drowning his sorrows in a Manhattan. The snow was falling outside in soft sheets. His tears slid down his perfect, dark skin, and his muscles—newly large from an upcoming role in a boxing movie—bulged through his shirt. He was depressed. The holidays, even when you’re a big celebrity, are very empty when you’re alone, he mused to himself and threw...
On the Run
Driving down the never-ending highway through the Arizona desert towards the setting sun, I saw the flashing lights in my rear view mirror. Crap. I had just killed my wife. Her body was in the trunk. If the cops found her, I would be back in jail. I couldn’t go back there. Not after what had happened. I was prepared to do anything. I pulled over to the side of the road, remembering to put on...
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Ask yourself if there is anything you can learn from it. (HINT: There always is.)
The Late Night
Gina looked at the clock. It was 4:30 in the morning. Where was he!? Not at home, in bed, like she was. That was for sure. She turned over and angrily fluffed her pillow. A few minutes later, she had just turned over in bed when the door creaked open and light poured into the room. “Psst! Shut the door!” She hissed out blindly, sitting up in bed and turning to look at him. Wobbling in...
In the Line of Fire
It was my first day back on the job since my partner was killed. I had seen it all: we responded to a routine bank robbery but things went downhill fast. I had gotten myself caught by one of the robbers and was being held hostage. My partner and my captor exchanged bullets, and I was the only one left standing. I relived that day every night when I closed my eyes. I tried to kill myself....
Potions Class
Harry took his seat near the rear of the dungeon. The usually cold air was warmer today, and Snape was positioned over the top of a bubbling cauldron that spewed a pink foam. Hermione even shot him a look across the room, and Harry knew something was different today. If the star pupil couldn’t place a potion, they were in trouble. Just then, the dungeon door clanged open and a horse in...
The Killer
Terror pulsed through my veins as I crashed through the woods. Branches snapped as they scraped my face, and a tangle of underbrush sprang up to trip me. I existed only for one purpose: escape. The phone had rang that night. I remember groggily reaching for it as The 5th Wheel reruns played in the background, the TV cycling on since I had fallen asleep earlier. My father was out on a date, and I...
Chili's
Mike had been Store Manager at Chili’s for two years now. He hated his job, his wife, his kids and most of all, his life. He was having a terrible day at work when he spotted a trailer pull up in the parking lot. “Great. Just what I need,” he thought to himself. “A visit from the District Manager.” The doors swung open. The hostess attempted to greet the visitor but...
First Day of School
It was Matt’s first day of school. The sun was nowhere to be found in the overcast sky, and the leaves were beginning to turn red and brown and crinkle at the edges. He peered out at the new Middle School building and his stomach jumped at the idea of a whole new world he must now navigate. Teachers, bullies, girls. He gulped. The bus screeched to a halt and he was forced to get off and face...
Investors meeting
The young man adjusted his tie and cleared his throat. He wasn’t nervous, per se, just anxious to get the presentation over with. He waited before the investors as they shuffled some papers around and took sips of water. They murmured to one another. A lousy day of investment pitches. Only one more remained. They obviously didn’t hold out much hope. The man puffed his chest out a bit...
A quiet night at home
Lydia sighed and stretched her neck to both sides as she relaxed into the sofa by the fireplace. The horse still wore fashionable RayBans as it quietly sauntered up behind her. A gentle exhale of breath from his nostrils alerted her to his presence as she loosened her nightgown overcoat. Horse_ebooks whispered, “Let me”. She relaxed as his horse-lips unfastened her clasps and his...
Horse_ebook's date
Lydia checks her date’s okcupid profile on her iPhone one last time while waiting at Starbucks.
“This picture is kinda blurry,” she thinks to herself “and his face looks a bit long but he seems kind of cute. I hope this date turns out okay.”
Just then a horse walks through the door, wearing shades with a bouquet of flowers in his mouth. He trots up to the table and...
Horse_ebooks on the stand
“The defense calls Horse_ebooks to the stand!”
The crowd gasps as a horse wearing sick Ray-Bans enters the courtroom and takes the stand.
“Sir,” begins the lawyer, “can you tell us why you’re here today?”
Horse_ebooks moves his nuzzle close to the microphone.
“DEA Complicity in Drugging America,” he coolly replies.
Another shocked gasp...
