Horse_ebooks glanced down at the cover of the months old copy of Women’s Day on the side table next to him.

“What to do in an emergency. (Page 117) What to do if your ferret starts to sneeze. (Page 119)” he read aloud, as an old woman struggled to get past him up to the front desk.

“Mr. Ebooks?” a nurse called from the doorway “The doctor will see you now.”

Horse_ebooks barely squeezed by other nurses in the hallway as he was lead to the examination room.

“The doctor will be with you in just a moment,” the nurse said, closing the door behind her.

Horse_ebooks stared at the old painting on the wall. After a moment, he shook his head. Soon, the door swung open. An old man walked into the room, with a stethoscope around his neck wearing a white coat. “Hello Mr. Ebooks, I’m docto-”

The doctor paused at the sight of a ray-ban wearing stallion standing in his examination room.

“Ask your dumbass friends if they know of a reputable artist.” Horse_ebooks sneered, eying the painting hanging on the wall across from him.

“Thanks, I-I’ll do that. Now you see, I don’t normally treat horses, but apparently an exception has been made. So tell me about your medical history.”

Horse_ebooks stared wistfully at the wall. “I have been in the deepest, darkest valleys of bodybuilding hell, and on the brightest mountain peaks of glorious bodybuilding success. I” Tears started welling up in his eyes, he couldn’t finish.

“I see,” said the doctor, beginning to lose his patience. “So what brings you in today?”

“my greasy ham” replied the horse.

“Your… greasy ham?”

Horse_ebooks clumsily turned around to show his glistening hindquarters to the doctor, knocking over a glass container of cotton balls in the process.

“NO-ONE should have to go through what I did just to build a simple koi pond”

“I see. Well, I don’t know if theres much I can do about your greasy ham, Mr. Ebooks. I think our time here is done. Please go to the front desk to discuss payment.”

Confused, Horse_ebooks walked up to the receptionists desk.

“How was your session with the doctor?” she asked, not looking up from her paperwork.

“it was absolutely useless. Thanks”

“Oh, well. I’m very sorry to hear that. Payment is due at the time of service. Will you be paying with cash or credit, Mr. Ebooks?”

Horse_ebooks looked down at the $500 bill. He looked back up at the receptionist.

“If you suffer from bad credit, you have 3 options: do nothing” he yelled, galloping out the front door.